


Not all that bothered

by womb



Series: Family values [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gaslighting, Gen, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 18:50:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18155690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/womb/pseuds/womb
Summary: broconhelped me edit thisedited(again):14/04/2019





	Not all that bothered

**Author's Note:**

> [brocon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brocon/pseuds/brocon) helped me edit this
> 
> _edited(again):14/04/2019_

It was humid; damp clothes stuck to his body like a second skin. Milluki popped a second button, loosed his collar and pulled on the hem of his sleeves to separate them from his skin. 

Killua was hanging from the ceiling, his shackled hands numb and blue after hours of bearing the weight of his body. He was itching to touch his wrists, to move. Anyone would want to move after being restrained that long, especially a kid. But overall, Killua wasn’t all that bothered. 

 

Milluki wanted to stomp the ground and punch a hole in the wall, maybe then some air would circulate in the chamber. His frustration translated into a whipping motion that tore the air and landed on Killua’s skin, leaving red marks. Proof that it indeed burned and stung.

 

When someone starts crying, Milluki’s initial response is to tell them to ‘shut the fuck up’. He would rather stab his own ears with a rusty knife than listen to anyone sob. But sometimes, in instants where he is the cause of that pain, hearing others cry is a source of relief. 

But Killua didn’t cry. His pain tolerance was building every day, but still, it only takes so many lashes to reduce a man to a begging mess. He didn’t even get a whimper out of Killua, and it was gradually driving him mad. He fingers quavered and clenched on the whip’s handle. 

 

“What do you think you’re doing?” said Illumi from across the room, fingers locked over crossed legs. He was reclined in a chair as far from Milluki as possible, upon his request, so he wouldn’t make him nervous. And for a while it worked, Milluki was doing a great job at ignoring his presence, until he spoke.

“Illu-nii, what do you mean?” Illumi got up. Milluki’s feet moved on their own, shy steps away from Illumi. He was getting nervous.

 

“Alright. Hand that over,” Illumi yanked the whip. Milluki’s hands were free but vulnerable, the whip was the only thing that kept him from fumbling with his clothes “I’ll show you, since you’re so confused. Kil?”

Killua’s breath hitched, his nails dug in his palm. Milluki wondered if he would ever be this feared. Killua finally nodded.

The lashing started and it didn’t stop, not when it Killua shrieked, not when he begged. but it stopped when Milluki begged. He wasn’t brave enough to stand in the way between them, so he tugged Illumi's waist from behind. “Please, you’re going to kill him!” he said.

 

“Kill him?” He echoed, Milluki knew when to let go.

Illumi hands dropped and hanged at his sides, giving the look that meant Milluki was in trouble. He tried not to be distracted by Killua’s retching when Illumi spoke “Do you really think this lowly of us?” 

 

He didn’t look at the mess of a brother in his peripheral vision, his gifted brother, a mere child. Nothing that Killua has gone through was different than what Illumi, their father, and every Zoldyck since the beginning of time has gone through. Almost every Zoldyck. He never doubted that Illumi had Killua and his family’s best interests at heart, that he would never put Killua in real danger, except in moments of weakness. He panicked. “I didn’t mean it.”

 

“But you did, you were going too easy on him, Mil. You think by following father’s orders that I’m putting Killua’s life in danger. Most importantly, you think Killua isn’t strong enough to handle the training, am I wrong?”

These weren’t his words, because like everyone in the room Illumi was also a child. He was merely repeating what he was once told too.

 

Milluki wanted to argue but he couldn’t conjure the words, and if he could, he shouldn’t talk back to his big brother, especially now that he was the physical embodiment of the elders. He was right, but the way he worded things was unsettling: making Milluki feel like he spat on his father’s face.

Did he? Was he in the wrong to worry about his little sibling, even if said sibling was a child prodigy and a decedent of a long line of elite assassins?

 

He looked. Killua’s body was covered in ruptures, some deep enough to reveal the yellow cells underneath. He was still hissing and grimacing at the drying vomit on his chest, the blood trickling down his body must’ve been annoying too. 

 

“I’m baffled how you think no one would have noticed if Killua was unfit for training, didn’t father cancel your training?” 

Silva didn’t cancel his training, but the Zoldyck family wouldn’t plant its seeds in a barren land, the sooner they found out the futility of spending time and resources training Milluki for something he wasn’t fit for, the more they could invest it in what he actually had potential in. Silva was adaptable enough to cultivate his innovative nature and direct it somewhere useful. Milluki was different than his brothers, but did he have to say it in front of Killua? 

Did Killua need to be constantly reminded of his superiority? He was being punished, and for what? Fleeting moments where he felt like the good guy? 

 

“I know that you don’t want to be here. And honestly, I don’t think you’re of any use to me here either. I could ask mom to—”

“No! I want to stay here!” He really didn’t, his mother thought it would benefit him to be present during torture training, ideally as the torturer. He didn’t feel like one. Illumi gave him a way out, and he blew it off. It was childish, but he wanted Illumi to be wrong about something, for once. Illumi frowned, and Milluki knew he said the right thing.

 

“Forget what I said then, just apologize.” He said, face calm and composed again. It was an afterthought after all, Illumi didn’t want him to be here, and Milluki couldn’t forget.

“I’m sorry, Illu-nii.”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” He handed him back the whip. Milluki groaned, there was an extra coat of humiliation in asking forgiveness from his younger brother.

 

“I’m sorry Killua,” his words came out in a cluttered mess. 

“What for?”

“I’m sorry for…” his mind went blank for a while, and before he started to panic he blurted out “I’m sorry for doubting you!” At first they didn't sound believable even to his own ears, Illumi didn't buy it too. 

It took a while for his lashes to split the skin like Illumi’s did, Killua winced, but that was the most he could pluck out of him. He fainted, but it was unfulfilling. Dormant anger reawakened in Milluki’s chest, clawing at his heart.

 

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell dad about this,” Illumi offered as he freed an unconscious Killua from his shackles and threw him over his shoulder, unbothered by the filth.

 

The next session will be electrocution torture, Milluki will find out that he was wrong, a six-years-old’s cries will not make him feel all that better, but it will not stop him from pulling the handle . 

 

Killua will be six when he calls him a filthy pig for the first time, when he leaves him stinging and paralyzed –not yet immune to poison— in the woods. “Sorry Kil, my back really hurts.”

 

And Killua will crawl back, like he always does .

**Author's Note:**

> Next time I write a fic about Milluki it's going to be shippy and happy ;)


End file.
